Well, it finally happened. Just when we were all settling down into the deep deep joy that is the news of James Corden leaving our televisions next year (and dear god please — movie musicals too) along comes Monday to further brighten our spirits. Everyone’s least favorite cat and cringey late night chat host was roasted on Instagram this week by fiery New York City restaurateur Keith McNally.
The post, which is probably the very best example of OH GOD MOM PLEASE DO NOT CREATE AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT vibes the world has ever seen, is a modern work of art and its creator my new favorite Insta discovery. Keith’s account is home to a veritable smorgasbord of unhinged content. He’s got everything from cultural commentary, celebrity encounters, employee shout outs, and self-deprecating tales about his sex life.
In this particular scourge it’s as if this dude had a couple Coors Lights while watching The Late Show on Monday night, got pissed at having to look at Corden’s face, whipped out his iPhone and snapped a pic of his actual television and then blasted his rage onto Instagram. Every bit of it is hilarious, outrageous, and completely embarrassing all at once. The picture is awful — it’s out of focus to the point where you can see the weird pixelated distortion that comes form being FAR too close to the screen (wait, OMG is this a picture taken of a desktop computer?). There are also weird smudges, which after touring McNally’s account, I can only assume are globs of spit from him scream cursing at whatever screen he was watching.
Honestly, this whole drama is a real fun-ass delight. The Covid years made celebrity watching sorta sad and terrible. If Reese Witherspoon posted one more 20 second video of herself pretending to eat cake I was going to get in a bell tower, but this messiness is a real throwback to a more joyful and freewheeling time and I am here for it. My goodness, don’t you just love some good old fashioned internet chaos? Oh, to be a fly on the wall (which actually also happens to be behind bullet proof glass). AND — the fun doesn’t stop here because when the internet gives, it gives REALGOOD.
The short novella accompanying the pic (which has now been edited) details two moments in the last few months that made McNally call Corden, “the most abusive customer to my Balthazar servers since the restaurant opened 25 years ago.” This alone is juicy AF, but this dude goes on to say, “I don’t often 86 a customer, but today I 86’d Corden.”
Oh, that Keith McNally had been the casting director for The Prom, or Into the Woods, or Cats, or that stupid-ass Friends reunion that still has me lighting a candle for Matthew Perry.
It seems that in June Corden was “extremely nasty” to a manager and threatened negative reviews on Yelp after demanding his round of drinks be comped because he found a hair in his food.
LOL comped drinks, this isn’t the real housewives of late night TV you doofus.
Also? YELP? Is it 2009? Don’t celebrities have better things to do?
Then! When Corden returned — WAIT WAIT WAIT — this jerk returned after finding a hair in his food!? Ha! I’ve cut people out of my life for less. When he returned to the restaurant earlier this month and sent back a dish to the kitchen because, his wife’s “egg yolk omelette” had “a bit of egg white” in it. When the replacement dish appeared, it came with the wrong side dish – fries, not salad – it triggered an epic meltdown by the comedian which included Corden telling the server they couldn’t do their job and an offer for him to go to the kitchen and cook the omelette himself.
Salad instead of fries?
Egg YOLK omelette?
Was he drinking a pint of brown sauce too?
Good God, man.
What joy! What bliss! What delight! Anyway, now you know exactly how much time I spend on the internet. There I was fully ready to put on my tap shoes so I could dance in the streets after tossing James Corden into the sea on a life raft bound for the UK when what to my wondering eyes should appear but an update from Keith McNally. I cracked open my internet on Tuesday to discover my new BFF Keith had forgiven the whole beautiful disaster.
WAIT. WHAT.
Yep. Just hours after having banned the talk show host McNally had taken to Insta again with a crappy pixelated picture and too long post about James calling to apologize and some corny stuff about second chances. The post ends by addressing Corden directly, writing. “So Come Back to the 5 & Dime, Jimmy Corden, Jimmy Corden. All is Forgiven. Xx.”
So we can just move on, right?
Ha! WRONG.
Some of us, by which I mean ME, still haven’t forgiven James Corden for his super offensively stereotypical portrayal of a gay man in The Prom back in 2020. How on Earth are you going to give a homophobic performance in a movie about gay rights? Though, honestly, for me this started a few years back. Where did this dude even come from. England, yes, of course, but one Broadway play back in 2012 doesn’t usually translate into taking over the airwaves. It’s strange. I mean is Carpool Karaoke really that good you guys? I’d like to send a cease and desist order to whoever keeps trying to cram this dude down our throats.
It doesn’t take much googling to find other examples of Corden’s shitty behavior. That can be your internet homework for today. BUT — can we get back to a more serious matter? AN EGG YOLK OMELETTE? What fresh hell is that? Like I know exactly what that means but I had lived my whole entire life without knowing this is a thing, and now I’m so nauseous I might need to take to my bed for the rest of the day.
Nothing but yolks?
It’s just too much.
Clearly everyone on Team Corden is FREAKING ALL THE WAY OUT and are worried you’re not going to forget any of this garbage. A brand new interview dropped in the New York Times just yesterday afternoon (10/20) tries to calm the situation. Though, the whole thing feels so staged and manufactured — it’s a clear effort to save Corden’s new Amazon Prime Video project. Do they really think an interview in a newspaper of all things is going to do something? You can practically hear James Corden practicing his deep yoga breaths as he answers questions and tries to downplay the incident. I’m not buying it, my dude. Not even Vladimir Putin would make up a story about someone being rude to waitstaff. It’s a crime right up there with refusing to love Dolly Parton.
Maybe disgust for James Corden will be the thing to force Americans to cross political divides and come together as a people to send this late night Ellen packing. Who would have guessed our differences could be set aside for that tiny cretin of a man. And here I was thinking Nora Ephron’s salad dressing and the Negroni Sbagliato were going to be the best thing to happen to me this week.
PS. The drama won’t stop! Keith McNally JUST updated with another post about JC as I was hovering over the send button. OMG. I love the internet. WHAT A WILD RIDE. Check it out.