GOODBYE, NORMA JEANE

Apparently, September is a super big month for old lady corpse. I mean I love me some QE2, but if they didn't put Mamaw in the ground this week I was going to call Child Protective Services. I know she was the queen for 70 years, but good lord she had more adventures while dead … Continue reading GOODBYE, NORMA JEANE

THE SHERYL LEE RALPH AWARDS

Deciding to watch an awards show these days is basically asking you to take your life in your own hands. It would make sense to assume an event in it's 74th year would have its act together, wouldn't it? A dazzling opening number, a cavalcade of stars, a schedule that hums along -- enjoyable, simple, … Continue reading THE SHERYL LEE RALPH AWARDS

DARLING, I AM WORRIED

Hello, and welcome to the very worst Tuesday of the year. Summer is over, we're supposed to be eating pumpkins, and wearing white is illegal until Memorial Day. Thems the rules, y'all. Yeah. Except meanwhile I definitely stepped out of my car at work to find some heiffer wearing THE WHITEST pants in all of … Continue reading DARLING, I AM WORRIED

GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

by Jeremy Owens Listen, Girl. We gotta talk. Surely you got yourself in front of some HBO last night for the Sex and the City reboot. Last night. Yesterday. Whatever. Streaming is weird. ANYWAY. SURELY YOU WATCHED. I know you're way too cool and are running around telling everyone you don't care, but I'm a … Continue reading GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

MAYBE SHE’S BORN WITH IT?

GIRL. Looky here. You know I'd rather walk on my lips than talk about somebody, but I just -- well -- I guess I'm going to have to say a little extra prayer tonight and put a bonus shot of holy water in my vodka tonic before bed. Now. Imma need you to take a … Continue reading MAYBE SHE’S BORN WITH IT?

JOY BEHAR: AMERICAN HERO

by Jeremy Owens GIRL. I cannot stop thinking about Joy! Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about, and please for the love of CHEESE do not go thinking I am talking about HAPPINESS -- that's ridiculous. How many people do you know named JOY. This isn't 1952, sweetheart, YOU DONT KNOW NOT … Continue reading JOY BEHAR: AMERICAN HERO

DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS

by Jeremy Owens My husband left me . . . It was for a long weekend, just across the border in Wisconsin — but still — after a year or ten or however long we’ve been locked in the house together — it felt both terrifying and INCREDIBLE. I love time alone, who doesn’t! I … Continue reading DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS