Dear Inspirational Quote Terrorist Mary Oliver:

It’s 4am and I’m lying in bed staring at my phone. I’m here trying to breathe through the day’s existential dread and the terrible online choices of friends and family — working on minding my own business, rage whispering to my iPhone screen instead of commenting with actual text — doom scrolling my little heart … Continue reading Dear Inspirational Quote Terrorist Mary Oliver:

GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

by Jeremy Owens Listen, Girl. We gotta talk. Surely you got yourself in front of some HBO last night for the Sex and the City reboot. Last night. Yesterday. Whatever. Streaming is weird. ANYWAY. SURELY YOU WATCHED. I know you're way too cool and are running around telling everyone you don't care, but I'm a … Continue reading GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

MAYBE SHE’S BORN WITH IT?

GIRL. Looky here. You know I'd rather walk on my lips than talk about somebody, but I just -- well -- I guess I'm going to have to say a little extra prayer tonight and put a bonus shot of holy water in my vodka tonic before bed. Now. Imma need you to take a … Continue reading MAYBE SHE’S BORN WITH IT?

JOY BEHAR: AMERICAN HERO

by Jeremy Owens GIRL. I cannot stop thinking about Joy! Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about, and please for the love of CHEESE do not go thinking I am talking about HAPPINESS -- that's ridiculous. How many people do you know named JOY. This isn't 1952, sweetheart, YOU DONT KNOW NOT … Continue reading JOY BEHAR: AMERICAN HERO

DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS

by Jeremy Owens My husband left me . . . It was for a long weekend, just across the border in Wisconsin — but still — after a year or ten or however long we’ve been locked in the house together — it felt both terrifying and INCREDIBLE. I love time alone, who doesn’t! I … Continue reading DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS