THE SHERYL LEE RALPH AWARDS

Deciding to watch an awards show these days is basically asking you to take your life in your own hands. It would make sense to assume an event in it's 74th year would have its act together, wouldn't it? A dazzling opening number, a cavalcade of stars, a schedule that hums along -- enjoyable, simple, … Continue reading THE SHERYL LEE RALPH AWARDS

GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

by Jeremy Owens Listen, Girl. We gotta talk. Surely you got yourself in front of some HBO last night for the Sex and the City reboot. Last night. Yesterday. Whatever. Streaming is weird. ANYWAY. SURELY YOU WATCHED. I know you're way too cool and are running around telling everyone you don't care, but I'm a … Continue reading GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY

by Jessica Besser-Rosenberg Mary M Cosby is the most terrifying type of mean girl - the  type that doesn’t give a shit what you think about her. And I know from middle school that you should not mess with this type of mean girl (I’m looking at you, Jillian Milne of 7th grade). She is … Continue reading MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY

ARMED SHAH-BBERY

by Jessica Besser-Rosenberg If I could do it all over again, I would have gone to law school and specialized in Real Housewives fraud. Truly, I could have made a nice living representing idiots who go on national television, flaunting their conspicuous consumption, while benefiting from glaringly illegal money-making schemes.  But the Housewives of Salt … Continue reading ARMED SHAH-BBERY

LIFTING THE VAIL

by Jessica Besser-Rosenberg I have seen tiny men wrestle each other on RHONJ, I have seen Mama Joyce try to fight Kandi’s best friend on RHOA, and I’ve seen  Kim… be Kim on RHOBH, but hand to god, I have never seen an episode of Real Housewives that is this batshit crazy. Almost every scene … Continue reading LIFTING THE VAIL

BOOB TUBE

by Jessica Besser-Rosenberg Is it just me, or do the men on RHOSLC make the men on RHONJ seem downright puritanical? First, Duy is still clinging to the idea that he needs a sister-wife who will give him seventy-five children, like something out of the damn Old Testament, without any regard for Jennie’s feelings or … Continue reading BOOB TUBE

JOY BEHAR: AMERICAN HERO

by Jeremy Owens GIRL. I cannot stop thinking about Joy! Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about, and please for the love of CHEESE do not go thinking I am talking about HAPPINESS -- that's ridiculous. How many people do you know named JOY. This isn't 1952, sweetheart, YOU DONT KNOW NOT … Continue reading JOY BEHAR: AMERICAN HERO

PROTECTING, DEFLECTING, AND TROUT

by Jessica Besser-Rosenberg Ask for the Mormon ideal of perfection and you shall receive. In a pandemic, where everyone is on Zoom all day, there is a Botox-filled lining. No one wants to stare into a glowing screen and see their wrinkles waving back, so Heather’s Beauty Lab has grown exponentially. And have you heard? … Continue reading PROTECTING, DEFLECTING, AND TROUT

Nine Things MORE PERFECT Than Nine Perfect Strangers

Listen. I love Nicole, lord knows I do, but what in the name of Ben Affleck is Nine Perfect Strangers!? Whooo decided to make this weird ass show in the first place, but more importantly WHOOO decided we needed a resort moment after JUST having watched the perfection (the delight, the magic, the excellence) that … Continue reading Nine Things MORE PERFECT Than Nine Perfect Strangers