SO LONG NIGHTTIME ELLEN

Well, it finally happened. Just when we were all settling down into the deep deep joy that is the news of James Corden leaving our televisions next year (and dear god please — movie musicals too) along comes Monday to further brighten our spirits. Everyone’s least favorite cat and cringey late night chat host was … Continue reading SO LONG NIGHTTIME ELLEN

LIFE IS A MYSTERY

Spooky Season is really outdoing itself this year. There’s a 20-foot blowup ghost with anger issues (and flashing lights) in the yard next door, I just read Kim Kardashian had sex with Pete Davidson by a fireplace to honor her grandmother, and Madonna is terrorizing children on TikTok. If you aren’t shaking in your sweatpants … Continue reading LIFE IS A MYSTERY

BILLY DON’T BE A HERO

Well, didn’t we know this was going to happen? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love queer people. I myself am a super queer person. I celebrate my little LGBTQ+ tribe. I read the books, I watch the movies and TV shows, I’m a subscriber and a fan. Hell, I even tried to watch … Continue reading BILLY DON’T BE A HERO

QUEEN PRINCE CHARLES THE TURD

Oh dear ... Mummy has been in the ground for all of three minutes and poor Queen Prince Charles III already has her knickers in a twist. I know. I KNOW. I'm sick of these fools too. Except for the part where this one continues to step in it. I can't stop watching them pretend … Continue reading QUEEN PRINCE CHARLES THE TURD

GOODBYE, NORMA JEANE

Apparently, September is a super big month for old lady corpse. I mean I love me some QE2, but if they didn't put Mamaw in the ground this week I was going to call Child Protective Services. I know she was the queen for 70 years, but good lord she had more adventures while dead … Continue reading GOODBYE, NORMA JEANE

THE SHERYL LEE RALPH AWARDS

Deciding to watch an awards show these days is basically asking you to take your life in your own hands. It would make sense to assume an event in it's 74th year would have its act together, wouldn't it? A dazzling opening number, a cavalcade of stars, a schedule that hums along -- enjoyable, simple, … Continue reading THE SHERYL LEE RALPH AWARDS

DARLING, I AM WORRIED

Hello, and welcome to the very worst Tuesday of the year. Summer is over, we're supposed to be eating pumpkins, and wearing white is illegal until Memorial Day. Thems the rules, y'all. Yeah. Except meanwhile I definitely stepped out of my car at work to find some heiffer wearing THE WHITEST pants in all of … Continue reading DARLING, I AM WORRIED

GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

by Jeremy Owens Listen, Girl. We gotta talk. Surely you got yourself in front of some HBO last night for the Sex and the City reboot. Last night. Yesterday. Whatever. Streaming is weird. ANYWAY. SURELY YOU WATCHED. I know you're way too cool and are running around telling everyone you don't care, but I'm a … Continue reading GET IN LOSER WE GOTTA GO MURDER SAMANTHA

MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY

by Jessica Besser-Rosenberg Mary M Cosby is the most terrifying type of mean girl - the  type that doesn’t give a shit what you think about her. And I know from middle school that you should not mess with this type of mean girl (I’m looking at you, Jillian Milne of 7th grade). She is … Continue reading MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY

ARMED SHAH-BBERY

by Jessica Besser-Rosenberg If I could do it all over again, I would have gone to law school and specialized in Real Housewives fraud. Truly, I could have made a nice living representing idiots who go on national television, flaunting their conspicuous consumption, while benefiting from glaringly illegal money-making schemes.  But the Housewives of Salt … Continue reading ARMED SHAH-BBERY